Find yourself an effective truth teller
I hate that I knew I needed to change my socks.
But I hated even more that I changed them. You see, change is resisted even when you know it is best for you.
My wife has been on a 20-year journey to change my perspective on the importance of my appearance.
I was never a slob, but I was someone who didn’t care what I looked like (most of the time). I believed my substance was more important than my style and that anyone who thought otherwise needed to change their perspective and leave me alone.
My wife, however, is an aficionado of the value of proper appearance. She says she cares about me enough to push me to care what others think of my appearance. She assures me I should value appearance not because it matters more than substance but because poor appearance can hinder the message from being heard. She is a fan who assures me my message is worth others hearing.
She was pointing out a blind spot. I don’t love that I have blind spots or when they get pointed out, but I do care deeply about getting my message out. So slowly, I listened to her and made changes.
So what?
Find people who are willing to tell you about your blind spots in loving ways.
People who see your blind spots aren't helpful or rare; lots of people see the gaps in others.
People who are willing to point them out are a little less rare because some people really enjoy telling others about their flaws. But they typically don't care about helping you improve; they just want you to know you got issues.
It is much rarer to have someone who loves you enough to talk to you about your blind spots effectively.
Your best self is achieved with the guidance of people who care enough about you to want you to become a better version of yourself. These people are committed enough to your success that they don’t quit on you even if it takes them 20 years to influence you to change your socks.
Conclusion
My wife allowed me to evaluate the value of changing because of her approach to sharing the feedback.
My wife identified one of my blind spots and communicated it effectively.
Effectively means
Consistently; 20 years worth of repeating herself.
By leading with the value of changing to me; you want to get your message out, and your appearance can get in the way for some.
And using real examples in the moment instead of theoretical arguments.
Her approach worked and I am better (dressed) for it.
Bonus content.
If you are also clueless about fashion. Here are some basics
Belts match shoes.
Socks match pants.
Skinny jeans aren’t for everyone; if your pockets pucker, your pants are too tight
Layering multiple shirts with collars was a fad that passed; this is true even if you claim one of them is “outerwear”.
Long socks pulled to your calf … too soon.