Margin or FOMO you must pick one.
I know I have a problem because the microwave says :01
Am I the only one who stops the microwave before it gets to zero?
I noticed this the other day as I was using the microwave to reheat last night’s dinner for lunch while I worked.
The microwave read :01 when I removed the dish. I was in such a hurry that I couldn’t wait for an appliance designed to rapidly heat food to finish the count down. Waiting the full 30 seconds required TOO MUCH time.
I also realized I was reheating food from a restaurant that I had eaten at because I was too busy to plan dinner and had no time to cook something before I had to rush out to an event the night before.
I thought of a few more examples of hurry and quickly screamed in my mind that I needed to stop the rushanity (the insanity of always being in a rush) NOW!
What is the alternative to Rushanity?
The alternative to rushing and hurry is margin. The value of margin is discussed in a lot of places.
Many religions preach some combination of silence, solitude, or sabbath.
Modern thinkers recommend minimalist principles, including “…removing the things that distract you from the things you love.- Joshua Becker
One of my favorite business gurus Peter Drucker applied this to business by recommending a don’t do list.
Doctors recommend rest as a “cure” for overworked muscles.
With margin/rest being an essential part of success in so many disciplines, why do so few live like this?
Maybe because the fear of missing out is just as real as the benefits of living with margin. We all think the grass is greener and now the combination of technology, photoshop/filters, algorithms and addictive mechanisms in social media makes the neighbor’s grass greener and more well-manicured than ever before. And I am alerted to it more quickly and regularly than ever before because I get notified and pushed the images of their success in real-time and I just can’t stop looking.
How to stop living in fear and starting loving your life.
Here is an approach for making the change from fear to love
1. Know thy priorities.
Despite the encouragement of great minds from so many disciplines, you can’t remove distractions if you don’t know which things are the distractions and which are the things you love. So…
Start by asking what are the essential things. At work, we call them priorities. At home, I call them the things that speak to your heart. What are the things that if you stopped doing them or you did them really poorly, the results would be
The relationships that matter in that context (customers/family/friends) would suffer or end
The trajectory of your life or the story of your life would significantly change for the negative
The list you come up with is your essential things list, and I would assume a relatively small list. If not small, then try again with a more solid filter.
2. Plan thy day to include margin
Figure out how to keep track of where your time goes and then change it to allow for margin.
If you love lists, use a to-do list; if you love technology, use reminders with notifications; if you love your outlook calendar, use that. If you carry around a day planner… Do what works best for you.
Start by adding the most important things at work and at home. Block off that time first. Use a sharpie marker for these tasks. They are the things from part one that must be completed regularly and in a quality way.
Plan your day around your authentic self. When is your best thinking time? Allocate that time to thinking. When do you run out of energy? Allocate time before then to do something that gives you energy. How much sleep do you need?
Once these priorities are scheduled, pencil in everything else but use a pencil so that you can reallocate that time as needed.
Bonus insight: use the screen time data to determine the impact smart phone usage is having on eliminating your margin. Ask yourself this question. Am I using my technology to advance my agenda or am I allowing technology to advance someone else’s agenda (a company, a product, an idea) through me? Stay in control!
3. Find thy support group and stop thy comparisons
Find a person you trust and let them know the journey you are on and ask them to check on you. (Yes, schedule the check-ins with a permanent marker). Why? This helps because another fear, the fear of letting them down, will drive action and accountability until this intentionally scheduling around the most critical things becomes a habit.
Finally
Stop comparing your life to everyone else’s because I can almost guarantee that the person whose life you wish you had wishes they had someone else’s life and someone wishes they had your life. Why? Perspective and context. If you walked in another’s shoes, you would likely have empathy, not envy. But that is a commentary for another day.